Double Feature

For some reason, it seems like the movies we want to see come in clusters. We can go months without anything we want to see coming out, and then we get a stretch when something that looks good comes out every week or so. We’re in a movie stretch, and since we have to pay a flat fee for parking now, we decided to do a double feature.


Up first was Noah. It was all right–about what I expected, based on the reviews. I didn’t see anything overtly antagonistic to the Judeo-Christian beliefs, but there were some things that struck me as passive aggressive.  Noah becomes convinced that creation was ruined by men, and that all men are the same. Therefore, they will complete the mission and save the innocent animals, and then they will die. No babies allowed or the reset won’t work. The trouble, from my perspective, is that if God only wanted part of His creation saved, why not have the Watchers do all the work on the ark and leave Noah out of it altogether? He becomes so obsessed with the concept that, at one point, I wished he would just step off the ark and end it all. And deciding to kill his granddaughters because they might mature into mothers? That would only work if his daughter-in-law/foster daughter (yeah, don’t get me started on that) died in childbirth because even if he killed the babies, what’s to stop her from getting pregnant again? The only way to fix that is to kill all the women, but that doesn’t seem to occur to him. Then again, Genesis never said Noah was a rocket scientist, just that he was obedient.

There was also a distinct thread of mysticism. Why would they use a snake skin as a holy relic when the snake started the whole sin business in the first place? Seems like they’d want to burn the snake skin, not use it in a blessing ceremony. I won’t even get into the fact that it glowed.

Then there’s the matter of the Tubal-Cain, the stow-away. Only Shem knows about him. In fact, Shem finds him the very first day, but no one else finds him until Ila is in labor. How is that even possible? They were in the ark for eight months, according to Genesis, and this is played out through Ila’s pregnancy. What did he eat? How did no one notice they were going through their provisions faster than they should have? Or was he eating the innocent animals raw and all at once to avoid the smell of death?

I will admit that there were some details I thought were ridiculous that turned out to be plausible once I read the account in Genesis (6-9, if you’re interested). The Watchers are explained right away in Genesis 6:4 when it says the Nephilim were on the earth in those days. Actually, they took human wives and had children instead of being encased in rock and turning into monsters, but Hollywood needs a little latitude, right?

After a brief dinner break, we watched Captain America: The Winter Soldier, which turned out to be pretty amazing. The story was well-done, but what impressed me more was that the eye candy stayed decently wrapped the whole time. No gratuitous butt shots, no naked chests preening for the camera, nothing more indecent than yoga pants. That made it a lot more palatable, at least for me.

Turning Bucky into the Winter Soldier was great. Way to tear out Steve’s guts, writers! Bringing back Hydra was a smart, move, too. That’s going to provide fodder not only for several more movies but also for the TV series. I love how they’re tying the series into the movies. They’ll stand alone, but together they give a bigger picture. And can I just say Falcon’s winged jet pack was awesome? Not that I would ever want to fly one, but it was cool to watch! I wonder what would happen if they put Falcon and Iron Man together against a common foe?

The final fight scene became a bit tedious. I don’t know why they always have to run the clock out to the last second to save the world. And why does the whole world always have to be at risk? I guess they have to have a big risk to justify the firepower, but the stakes don’t always have to be sky high. What happened to fighting for the girl? Not that the girl in this movie needed fighting for. She did just fine on her own.

Overall, I’d give Noah three of five stars, and Captain America gets 4.5. You can guess which DVD we’ll likely buy when they come out.



One comment on “Double Feature

  1. Jenn says:

    Nice to hear a balanced review of Noah. I have heard it’s the best/worst movie ever usually based on the writers religious beliefs.

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