I’m finally starting to feel like I’m getting it together. I must be, because I had an epiphany the other day. I never have epiphanies when I’m swamped with too many things. It must have something to do with being too busy for deep thoughts.
Anyway, I was frustrated because my house is always cluttered, I’ve been putting off schoolwork, and I haven’t written regularly since November. I tend to think better with a keyboard under my fingers, and fifteen minutes or so of free writing got me down to the answer: latent perfectionism. I’ve always thought of myself as a ‘good enough for government work’ kind of girl. I cut myself a lot of slack, but apparently that’s a defensive rationalization. (Like these $5.00 words? They sound all clinical, don’t they? Have I ever mentioned my first major in college was psychology? Sorry–I seem to have ADOB* today.) What I realized was that because I can’t dig in and get my house/writing/certification done in an afternoon, I find them easier to put off. I can break some things into smaller chunks, but apparently, those three activities need even smaller pieces or I’ll never get on top of them. The certification I’ll eventually finish; the house and writing are on-going and will most likely be with me until I breathe my last. For now, I’ve lowered my expectations a little and am calling any movement in those areas good. Maybe I can build up momentum and actually finish something.
*Attention Deficit—Oooh, Butterfly!